Okay so first I want to say THANK YOU GIANTLY for posting these at all. I know you didn’t want to and you only did it because I was such an annoying brat about it, but I’m so glad you did because all I wanted was to be able to express my FLAIL in a way that can at least partially pay you back for the fact that you WROTE THIS IS THE FIRST PLACE. You know how much I flipped out when you wrote this, so.... :)
The set-up of this scene is so perfect and it makes me see everything. Jack’s white stiff collar, his pin-striped deliciousness, his discomfort, GAH Jack eyeing Renee’s black dress and thinking about where his hands were just the other day and AHEM. The way you describe the champagne and OMG JUST. I’m not even being coherent, but Jack being the alpha-male is so well-characterized here because I feel like it’s totally how he WAS, you know? He’d so have been this way if Larry hadn’t died and it was still pre-biotoxin. Anyway, the set-up is, as I was saying, made outstanding by your attention to atmosphere and detail. I’m thinking...shimmering fabrics, annoyance, annoying conversation, horniness. Eeeep!
“I want to unzip your dress,” he whispered, enjoying the way he felt her go a little still in his arms. “And unhook your bra.” He rubbed his thumb over the inside of her wrist as they danced. -- wow this is asldkfjas;dlka the hottest conversation EVER.
She was squeezing his hand so hard now that it hurt, his fingers crunching together, but her reaction was worth it. --Oh this part has me all HAPPY in my pants. Seriously and then Jack going ‘That’s my favorite part. It just makes me want them to go back home NAO.
And I just love how you have Jack being all “But watch your hands” and he’s actually grinning when Renee’s irritated. It’s just like...the biology in him is turned to high, you know? Another male and he’s all threatened and he’s so mad at himself about this AND IT IS SO JACK AT THIS PERIOD! I can see all of this so fucking perfectly. asldkjfas
Meanwhile, back at the ranch apartment....
I love how she just comes right out and says it. “You didn’t have to say that to Larry. It’s so HER. And Jack’s response to it is just so HIM too. God. The IC makes it come alive. Plus you say things like the echoey quiet of their apartment and describe how Jack is rubbing his shiny shoe against the carpet and I just get this whole picture. And you’re the only writer who makes me SEE it so clearly. And PUPPY. He doesn’t want to look at her. OMG. I just want to eat him UP. The whole unzip-my-dress conversation? That is inspired. And if I weren’t already a goner by by everything else, THAT would have solidified the deal. From here on out anything remotely hot/shippy/sulty/lovey/moistening just augments my epic love of this piece like BONUS wonder.
Good lord his body reacting so fast that his clothes feel uncomfortable everywhere they touch him and THIS LINE OMG: made him want to hold her wrists down on the bed while he slid in and out of her body. JUST!!! Wow, I’ve just died and gone to fic heaven. I’ve been RAPTURED AWAY BECAUSE OF THE devilish GOODNESS. And then it’s all frantic and he’s all OMG I NEED TO BE IN HER and she’s like “Relax. Slow down.” and THEN she refers to herself as a foregone conclusion and I just about DIE.
Balancing on one wounded wing (you really'd already made up your mind about the capslock, clearly)
The set-up of this scene is so perfect and it makes me see everything. Jack’s white stiff collar, his pin-striped deliciousness, his discomfort, GAH Jack eyeing Renee’s black dress and thinking about where his hands were just the other day and AHEM. The way you describe the champagne and OMG JUST. I’m not even being coherent, but Jack being the alpha-male is so well-characterized here because I feel like it’s totally how he WAS, you know? He’d so have been this way if Larry hadn’t died and it was still pre-biotoxin. Anyway, the set-up is, as I was saying, made outstanding by your attention to atmosphere and detail. I’m thinking...shimmering fabrics, annoyance, annoying conversation, horniness. Eeeep!
“I want to unzip your dress,” he whispered, enjoying the way he felt her go a little still in his arms. “And unhook your bra.” He rubbed his thumb over the inside of her wrist as they danced. -- wow this is asldkfjas;dlka the hottest conversation EVER.
She was squeezing his hand so hard now that it hurt, his fingers crunching together, but her reaction was worth it. --Oh this part has me all HAPPY
in my pants. Seriously and then Jack going ‘That’s my favorite part. It just makes me want them to go back home NAO.And I just love how you have Jack being all “But watch your hands” and he’s actually grinning when Renee’s irritated. It’s just like...the biology in him is turned to high, you know? Another male and he’s all threatened and he’s so mad at himself about this AND IT IS SO JACK AT THIS PERIOD! I can see all of this so fucking perfectly. asldkjfas
Meanwhile, back at the
ranchapartment....I love how she just comes right out and says it. “You didn’t have to say that to Larry. It’s so HER. And Jack’s response to it is just so HIM too. God. The IC makes it come alive. Plus you say things like the echoey quiet of their apartment and describe how Jack is rubbing his shiny shoe against the carpet and I just get this whole picture. And you’re the only writer who makes me SEE it so clearly. And PUPPY. He doesn’t want to look at her. OMG. I just want to eat him UP.
The whole unzip-my-dress conversation? That is inspired. And if I weren’t already a goner by by everything else, THAT would have solidified the deal. From here on out anything remotely hot/shippy/sulty/lovey/moistening just augments my epic love of this piece like BONUS wonder.
Good lord his body reacting so fast that his clothes feel uncomfortable everywhere they touch him and THIS LINE OMG: made him want to hold her wrists down on the bed while he slid in and out of her body. JUST!!! Wow, I’ve just died and gone to fic heaven. I’ve been RAPTURED AWAY BECAUSE OF THE devilish GOODNESS. And then it’s all frantic and he’s all OMG I NEED TO BE IN HER and she’s like “Relax. Slow down.” and THEN she refers to herself as a foregone conclusion and I just about DIE.
TBC