My love of this chapter. It is by far my favorite thing in all of fanfic to read. That is not an exaggeration.
Here you have my running commentary as I read:
I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE REUNION SCENE. I love that when she steps into his arms he is holding her SO tight, I love that he’s a hot nervous mess with watery eyes, I love this line: “their eyes instantly deep into the conversation they couldn’t yet figure out how to have in words”, I love that they’re both shaking, I love that she rubs her thumb over “the hard line of his jaw, stubble and bone,” I love that he eats his meal with one hand JUST SO HE CAN KEEP TOUCHING HER ANKLE, I love how relieved he is that she likes cheeseburgers, I love that her exhaustion has been hovering around the perimeter of her body (GAH PHRASING!), I love that you describe 8x17 as “the magic half an hour when they’d both been stupid enough to believe they could run”, I love FOOD SHARING especially fries.
Okay so. You get the point, right? Pretty much every detail you offer I eat up with a spoon, but it’s not JUST that. It's wonderfully written.
You do the serious conversation business so WELL. It’s THEM. I can HEAR them coming through the page. Renee would know Jack totally has guilt overit and I just LOVE how concerned he is over what she thinks of what he did. That’s so JACK. Like, well if you don’t have a problem with that then I’m so happy. It’s a cute little insecurity coming through, because Season 7 Renee would have been all up in his face about that, even though she's come around. And in that sense (and many others) you do a marvelous job of showing the trajectory and progression of their relationship and this inexplicable bond/inner understanding of each other.
AND HE’S GRABBING HER FOOT ALL NERVOUS/APOLOGETICALLY AND TELLING HER ABOUT WHAT CHLOE SAID TO HIM AND HOW IT MADE HIM STOP.
God. The adorable of Jack asking her if she wants to go back to her hotel. Wow. I’m trying to imagine what he’d do if she’d said yes. Like figure out a way to inconspicuously sleep outside of her door?
The relief that transformed his expression made her chest hurt, and she wondered again about all the things she didn’t know, all the shit life had done to him that made him think she’d even consider walking away now-- YES. Because… wtf. No way she’s leaving but OH, Jack. Jack.
his eyes alive with vibrating energy despite the exhaustion evident in his posture. -- I have to say… your descriptions are so accurate and vivid. Also, that’s one of those feelings that we all KNOW but no one thinks to convey it but you and you do that so well. Ack.
You know what probably my favorite thing about this chapter is? And I’m gonna SHOCK you by not saying the sex! The contact scene. It’s so… wow. Is there anything that could say more, really? Than that right there. Jack mesmerized, cupping her face, Renee wanting to kiss him, but knowing what he needs. Wow. And then he says her real name and THAT is so revealing, too. Geez. You’re really good at that showing not telling thing. Leigh: 23043 points. The rest of the world: a demotivational poster.
AND THEN HE TURNS HIS BACK TO HER WHEN SHE’S BEING ALL PANTS OPTIONAL AND SHE THINKS: Some minuscule fraction of her wished he wasn’t always so goddamn polite.
GOD you kill me.
NOW to quote the BEST DIALOGUE IMAGINABLE:
“I’m sorry.” He kissed her temple and she bit her lip to keep the tears back, determined not to do anything that might make him move. “I feel like-” In the dark, his fingers stroked down her arm until they found her hand, closing over her freezing palm. “If I keep my eyes open, I know what’s coming.”
“I should have.” His fingers moved up to the base of her neck, rubbed relaxing ovals in her hair. She felt his mouth on her ear. “I missed you. I just-” He was shaking again, and her arms tightened around him even though she was barely awake. “Missed you.”-- AUGH can you feel my heart all the way over where you are? IT IS DOING FUNNY BEATY THINGS.
He’s all playing with her hair and she’s startling while thinking of the horrifying past and he’s whispering “it’s okay”? I mean this is just…the recipe for Adrienne flail or something. Can't stop reading. TBC
no subject
Here you have my running commentary as I read:
I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE REUNION SCENE. I love that when she steps into his arms he is holding her SO tight, I love that he’s a hot nervous mess with watery eyes, I love this line: “their eyes instantly deep into the conversation they couldn’t yet figure out how to have in words”, I love that they’re both shaking, I love that she rubs her thumb over “the hard line of his jaw, stubble and bone,” I love that he eats his meal with one hand JUST SO HE CAN KEEP TOUCHING HER ANKLE, I love how relieved he is that she likes cheeseburgers, I love that her exhaustion has been hovering around the perimeter of her body (GAH PHRASING!), I love that you describe 8x17 as “the magic half an hour when they’d both been stupid enough to believe they could run”, I love FOOD SHARING especially fries.
Okay so. You get the point, right? Pretty much every detail you offer I eat up with a spoon, but it’s not JUST that. It's wonderfully written.
You do the serious conversation business so WELL. It’s THEM. I can HEAR them coming through the page. Renee would know Jack totally has guilt overit and I just LOVE how concerned he is over what she thinks of what he did. That’s so JACK. Like, well if you don’t have a problem with that then I’m so happy. It’s a cute little insecurity coming through, because Season 7 Renee would have been all up in his face about that, even though she's come around. And in that sense (and many others) you do a marvelous job of showing the trajectory and progression of their relationship and this inexplicable bond/inner understanding of each other.
AND HE’S GRABBING HER FOOT ALL NERVOUS/APOLOGETICALLY AND TELLING HER ABOUT WHAT CHLOE SAID TO HIM AND HOW IT MADE HIM STOP.
God. The adorable of Jack asking her if she wants to go back to her hotel. Wow. I’m trying to imagine what he’d do if she’d said yes. Like figure out a way to inconspicuously sleep outside of her door?
The relief that transformed his expression made her chest hurt, and she wondered again about all the things she didn’t know, all the shit life had done to him that made him think she’d even consider walking away now-- YES. Because… wtf. No way she’s leaving but OH, Jack. Jack.
his eyes alive with vibrating energy despite the exhaustion evident in his posture. -- I have to say… your descriptions are so accurate and vivid. Also, that’s one of those feelings that we all KNOW but no one thinks to convey it but you and you do that so well. Ack.
You know what probably my favorite thing about this chapter is? And I’m gonna SHOCK you by not saying the sex! The contact scene. It’s so… wow. Is there anything that could say more, really? Than that right there. Jack mesmerized, cupping her face, Renee wanting to kiss him, but knowing what he needs. Wow. And then he says her real name and THAT is so revealing, too. Geez. You’re really good at that showing not telling thing. Leigh: 23043 points. The rest of the world: a demotivational poster.
AND THEN HE TURNS HIS BACK TO HER WHEN SHE’S BEING ALL PANTS OPTIONAL AND SHE THINKS: Some minuscule fraction of her wished he wasn’t always so goddamn polite.
GOD you kill me.
NOW to quote the BEST DIALOGUE IMAGINABLE:
“I’m sorry.” He kissed her temple and she bit her lip to keep the tears back, determined not to do anything that might make him move. “I feel like-” In the dark, his fingers stroked down her arm until they found her hand, closing over her freezing palm. “If I keep my eyes open, I know what’s coming.”
“I should have.” His fingers moved up to the base of her neck, rubbed relaxing ovals in her hair. She felt his mouth on her ear. “I missed you. I just-” He was shaking again, and her arms tightened around him even though she was barely awake. “Missed you.”-- AUGH can you feel my heart all the way over where you are? IT IS DOING FUNNY BEATY THINGS.
He’s all playing with her hair and she’s startling while thinking of the horrifying past and he’s whispering “it’s okay”? I mean this is just…the recipe for Adrienne flail or something. Can't stop reading.
TBC