She mumbled something incomprehensible in her sleep and scooted closer, shampoo and salt and all the closed doors flying open -- There you go again with those amazing symbolic things you don’t mean to write, probably. Like yanking the sheets where they don’t want to stretch. Jack’s thoughts in this segment are entirely on target. My little shipper heart can’t get enough of the image of their bodies there, curled up and wrapped around each other, with Jack checking all the parts of her that should be beating/breathing. How she’s startling a little and then she calms down and Jack is just there as this soothing presence for her but he can only think of like GAH EMO thoughts but then he sleeps for a little bit. And alsdkfjasldkfjasd.
She was used to waking up to what she had come to think of as the easiest three seconds of her day – that suspended moment when she wasn’t yet conscious enough to remember everything about her circumstances, so she’d lay there in a haze until her eyes drifted open and reality snapped shut and trapped her. --- THAT is amazing. And so true to life. And one of those things only YOU think to write. I just can’t get over this scene and just how she begs him not to stop her and oh god. He’s so honest with himself. The “When have I ever been able to stop you from doing anything?” BABE, you just have them DOWN. He’d do anything for her. And mind you, he’s a dude and he likes sex, but this isn’t about that at all. It’s about how, in his head right now, she’s going to have to leave and something you say later, about how he’s never had an ounce of self-preservation. It’s going to hurt him to remember, to wake that up inside of him and not have it forever, but he does it anyway, because she wants to and he really loves her and just! GOD. My shipper HEART!
SO a few of the 23423 things I love about the amazing sex scene: It’s so not about sex! When you first told me you were going to write sex that wasn’t sex I was like, what? But this is so perfect in that it is totally hot and sexy, but it is so far BEYOND just sex. It’s memorization. Like the detail where he’s pushing up the hem of her shirt slowly and kissing/discovering/memorizing every bit of her skin as he does so. How it’s just this scene of worshipping each other’s aliveness and trying not to crack and in the process getting really turned on. It’s just BEAUTIFUL. ALSO, I like the part where she takes off his boxers, because I like the part exposed, so. There’s that. And goodness they work each other up so bad when she’s finally got him inside it’s like not even a minute and OH GOD I have a kink for that, but he STAYS there all flush with her body and having an extreme emo moment to follow that’s just so JACK and the way you described it through Renee’s perspective was genius. I can just picture his adorable little face with teary eyes telling her how he never thought he’d be able to do that again. YOU ARE SO GOOD AT THIS!
All the things she hadn’t done branched out in her mind like one of those color-coded maps on the subway. “I thought I could handle it. That you’d be safer. And for a while I figured out how to power through. But I just-” --This whole conversation is killer. I like that analogy a lot, of course. They are so out altruisming each other with their like… I WANTED YOU TO BE SAFE, NO I WANTED YOU TO BE SAFE. BUT I JUST COULD NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. It’s so well characterized and so evident how much they just…constantly missed each other. And while the readers spent two chapters reading about how much, now we get to see the ways in which they convey/reassure this for each other. And the way you have them so intimate and how they just…can’t stop touching each other. It’s so on target for how they’d be after so long apart.
I can't get enough of this. Always write, please.
She was used to waking up to what she had come to think of as the easiest three seconds of her day – that suspended moment when she wasn’t yet conscious enough to remember everything about her circumstances, so she’d lay there in a haze until her eyes drifted open and reality snapped shut and trapped her. --- THAT is amazing. And so true to life. And one of those things only YOU think to write. I just can’t get over this scene and just how she begs him not to stop her and oh god. He’s so honest with himself. The “When have I ever been able to stop you from doing anything?” BABE, you just have them DOWN. He’d do anything for her. And mind you, he’s a dude and he likes sex, but this isn’t about that at all. It’s about how, in his head right now, she’s going to have to leave and something you say later, about how he’s never had an ounce of self-preservation. It’s going to hurt him to remember, to wake that up inside of him and not have it forever, but he does it anyway, because she wants to and he really loves her and just! GOD. My shipper HEART!
SO a few of the 23423 things I love about the amazing sex scene: It’s so not about sex! When you first told me you were going to write sex that wasn’t sex I was like, what? But this is so perfect in that it is totally hot and sexy, but it is so far BEYOND just sex. It’s memorization. Like the detail where he’s pushing up the hem of her shirt slowly and kissing/discovering/memorizing every bit of her skin as he does so. How it’s just this scene of worshipping each other’s aliveness and trying not to crack and in the process getting really turned on. It’s just BEAUTIFUL. ALSO, I like the part where she takes off his boxers, because I like the part exposed, so. There’s that. And goodness they work each other up so bad when she’s finally got him inside it’s like not even a minute and OH GOD I have a kink for that, but he STAYS there all flush with her body and having an extreme emo moment to follow that’s just so JACK and the way you described it through Renee’s perspective was genius. I can just picture his adorable little face with teary eyes telling her how he never thought he’d be able to do that again. YOU ARE SO GOOD AT THIS!
All the things she hadn’t done branched out in her mind like one of those color-coded maps on the subway. “I thought I could handle it. That you’d be safer. And for a while I figured out how to power through. But I just-” --This whole conversation is killer. I like that analogy a lot, of course. They are so out altruisming each other with their like… I WANTED YOU TO BE SAFE, NO I WANTED YOU TO BE SAFE. BUT I JUST COULD NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE. It’s so well characterized and so evident how much they just…constantly missed each other. And while the readers spent two chapters reading about how much, now we get to see the ways in which they convey/reassure this for each other. And the way you have them so intimate and how they just…can’t stop touching each other. It’s so on target for how they’d be after so long apart.