I love how I notice something cool each time I read. Like.. wording you use... it's so consistently awesome that I get so wrapped up focusing on one section and then don't realize the other bits are so fuck-me perfect in description and flow, TOO. For instance, I love how right off the bat you're able to reveal SO MUCH about the situation, location, urgency, wound, and in only a couple of sentences you have the reader totally captivated and needing to read more. I noticed with this fic I started off doing that thing where I get ahead of myself and jump to dialogue, or new paragraphs, just to see what happens. Whether or not the cops are gonna come, whether or not someone is going to bust in and start shooting. That's how evocative this is.
She’d drawn the cheap polyester curtains as soon as she’d locked and chained the hotel room door behind her and eased Jack’s trembling, sweaty body down on the slippery bedspread. Headlights from the highway lit the window at frequent but unpredictable intervals, and she could hear the wail of a siren, but the sound was becoming fainter so she didn’t add that to her list of reasons to panic.-- See? And that's in the FIRST paragraph. Already my heart beats faster. Teach me to do that please!
Other things I love about this? Besides everything, just the way it's so fucking in character, with Jack all wanting to move, saying he not used to running alone. Renee knowing she can't hide the fact that she's totally terrified from him. The kink you totally moistened hit when you had Jack all wanting to kill the dude who hurt her. Vitamin water, the lovely phraseology and descriptions of this piece. The way I can picture Jack, and his breathing, and all the senses captured the way you elaborate. Jack clenching his fingers as a reaction the the pain, the orange and brown bedspread=incredibly accurate bad-hotel a la X-Files detail, parenthetical "vivid contrast of red on white", the fact that he calls her out on being fucking stubborn and their hilarious exchange there, the fact that I think you hit the perfect balance of ambiguity/specificity about the whole scenario; leaves us curious/interested but doesn't get too much into information not pertinent to the moment. The bedspread swishing.
The quietly perfect ending is like Detour when Scully is holding wounded Mulder and saying she's not gonna get tired, minus goofy singing, plus intensity raised to the power of 252344, because it's Jack and RENEE! Augh!
With her Glock secure against her stomach, she stared at the window and waited for the sliver of black between the tattered curtains to lighten.-- That is all things poetic and evocative and AUGHTHEYARESOPERFECT-inducing.
Thanks for writing this. For procrastination I come back and reread this. I've done it like 6 times now. I thought you might like to know that. I just think it's this... awesome snapshot and I keep wanting to read it again.
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She’d drawn the cheap polyester curtains as soon as she’d locked and chained the hotel room door behind her and eased Jack’s trembling, sweaty body down on the slippery bedspread. Headlights from the highway lit the window at frequent but unpredictable intervals, and she could hear the wail of a siren, but the sound was becoming fainter so she didn’t add that to her list of reasons to panic.--
See? And that's in the FIRST paragraph. Already my heart beats faster. Teach me to do that please!
Other things I love about this? Besides everything, just the way it's so fucking in character, with Jack all wanting to move, saying he not used to running alone. Renee knowing she can't hide the fact that she's totally terrified from him. The kink you totally
moistenedhit when you had Jack all wanting to kill the dude who hurt her. Vitamin water, the lovely phraseology and descriptions of this piece. The way I can picture Jack, and his breathing, and all the senses captured the way you elaborate. Jack clenching his fingers as a reaction the the pain, the orange and brown bedspread=incredibly accurate bad-hotel a la X-Files detail, parenthetical "vivid contrast of red on white", the fact that he calls her out on being fucking stubborn and their hilarious exchange there, the fact that I think you hit the perfect balance of ambiguity/specificity about the whole scenario; leaves us curious/interested but doesn't get too much into information not pertinent to the moment. The bedspread swishing.The quietly perfect ending is like Detour when Scully is holding wounded Mulder and saying she's not gonna get tired, minus goofy singing, plus intensity raised to the power of 252344, because it's Jack and RENEE! Augh!
With her Glock secure against her stomach, she stared at the window and waited for the sliver of black between the tattered curtains to lighten.-- That is all things poetic and evocative and AUGHTHEYARESOPERFECT-inducing.
Thanks for writing this. For procrastination I come back and reread this. I've done it like 6 times now. I thought you might like to know that. I just think it's this... awesome snapshot and I keep wanting to read it again.
Love you.