Fic: Talk Down My Walls

[leigh57]

Title: Talk Down My Walls
Author: leigh57
Characters: Jack, Renee
Word count: 767
Summary: 8x17 AU written for Rewriting History: A commentfic meme. The prompt is "What if Renee didn't answer the phone when Chloe called in 8x17?" To that I decided to add the idea that Tokarev isn't even there, because I'm the author, dammit, and that's how I roll.
Disclaimer: They’re not mine. Suck.
A/N: Thanks to lowriseflare for beta when she didn't feel well, and to adrenalin211 for putting up with all my bitching as always and listening to me bash my head into a wall while I tried to cut this down to comment length. For those of you who prefer angst to smush, a little angst is next in the queue. Promise.



The title is taken from Brooke Fraser's "The Thief." It's such a beautiful song:)

*********************************************************
“Jack, your cell’s ringing.”

“Don’t worry about it. Let it go.”

Renee looked at the phone on the floor, torn between curiosity and the desire to relax into the pillow and wait. She heard Jack in the kitchen – water running, glasses clinking; he was moving quickly, rushing like he did through everything.

Well. Almost everything.

The ringing stopped. Her head throbbed (stress, dehydration, no food for almost a day – she didn’t know), her cheek stung, and the muscles in her thighs and shoulders ached.

Yet beneath all that, a warm sleepy hum skipped along her nerve endings and spread out over her skin.

She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt better.

Jack walked back into the room holding two glasses of water. He sat on the edge of the bed, incongruously shy and formal when he’d spent the last half hour with his hands and his mouth all over her – stroking, licking, teasing. (Out of breath yet laughing, thumbs on the curve of her ribs and his mouth against her neck, he’d said, You gotta stop making that noise. I can’t concentrate on anything else. She’d lifted his face and kissed him, lost for a minute before she mumbled, smiling against the distraction of his lips, Then stop doing that with your tongue.)

He held out her glass. “It’s tap. I’m sorry. I didn’t buy more bottled because-”

“Jack.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s fine. It’s-“ She stopped. “Why aren’t you drinking yours? You said you were thirsty.”

“I am. I guess I was-” He gave up that tiny smile, the one she hadn’t been able to resist since the first time she saw it (cutting through her insides, full force sucker-punch, because that first day, he hadn’t smiled once until he discovered he was dying). “Waiting for you.”

She pushed herself up and drained the glass. “There. Better?”

“Yeah.” He emptied his own glass and set it on the bedside table. He wasn’t looking at her.

“Hey,” she said. She tugged at the hem of his shirt, and when the sheet slid down she didn’t grab for it. “Why don’t you take this off and get back in here with me?”

“You sure?”

“Really sure.”

“Okay.” Renee watched, quiet, as he undid the buttons. Her eyes mapped his scars, traveling from the ones he’d had so long they almost blended with his skin to the blotches of blood spreading into the bandages that covered the latest additions. Everything she needed to say (apologies, explanations, confessions) swirled and collided, fluttering moths in the back of her mind. She knew half an hour of happiness, giving because it felt good and taking because that felt good too, didn’t erase the last day, the last year, the last . . . whatever. The baggage (slice in her wrist, Vladimir, the cold fact that when she told him to pull the trigger, she’d meant it) would be waiting when she reluctantly climbed out of this bed, left the comforting shell of this warm sunlit room.

She didn’t care.

What she cared about was that Jack had slowed down, stopped moving as if someone were chasing him. He threw his pants on the floor (the casual carelessness of the gesture made her even warmer) and crawled in beside her, pushing back the hair that had fallen over her shoulder. “You sure you’re okay? I didn’t mean-”

She inched closer. “You didn’t? Felt like you did.” God, it was so nice to relax, have fun with him. Ridiculous, how she couldn’t stop smiling.

He grinned, resting his forehead on her shoulder. “Okay, I did. But -” He pulled back, his eyes suddenly serious. “You sounded like you thought I didn’t mean it.” He kissed her neck. “I did. Mean it.”

“I know. This day . . .”

“You wanna tell me?”

“Later. Now I want to curl up and never move.”

“Okay.” He stretched out on the bed and reached for her; she put her head on his chest (careful not to press the bandage on his stomach) and felt for his fingertips under the covers.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” he whispered into her hair as he began to rub her back, circular motion and rhythm so calming she was drifting within moments, sunlight and color fading as the weight of everything dragged and pulled. It was ludicrous, she thought, him saying that to her.

She forced her eyes open. “D’you need to get up? I don’t wanna fall asleep on you if . . . “

She felt the lift of his chest under her cheek. “I don’t need anything.”

Comments

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

PERFECT. More later. But serious squee on this.

[marinw.livejournal.com]

Awe. This was so simple and so perfect. I like this universe where J & R stay in bed all snugly for a little while. Renee's death wasn't Chloe's fault, but still..

I loved the description of Jack's scars.

So is Pavel still waiting? With the water, Renee may have to get up to pee, and then...

Nah, Pavel will get bored and leave, or get other orders. Let's leave it at that.

[cybertoothtiger.livejournal.com]

She knew half an hour of happiness, giving because it felt good and taking because that felt good too, didn’t erase the last day, the last year, the last . . . whatever. The baggage (slice in her wrist, Vladimir, the cold fact that when she told him to pull the trigger, she’d meant it) would be waiting when she reluctantly climbed out of this bed, left the comforting shell of this warm sunlit room.

She didn’t care.

You can mark me down as 'Awed woman'.

Loved this! If only they had let it happen in canon. Blerg.

Oh, for Pete's sake. The LJ PTB took all of my Jack/Renee icons. I'll have to fix that, but later.

[effie214.livejournal.com]

Yet another example of why you're my favorite fic author ever. On the surface, this is so simple, and yet it's sprinkled with amazing punch-in-the-gut lines like The baggage (slice in her wrist, Vladimir, the cold fact that when she told him to pull the trigger, she’d meant it) would be waiting when she reluctantly climbed out of this bed, left the comforting shell of this warm sunlit room. Just spectacular.

Thank you so much for this.

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

So I’ve probably already told you all my extra special favorite parts of this, but most of all I love the way it so perfectly captures their characterization in that scene. How they’re sorta awkward and nervous, but weirdly comfortable and open. It just feels so much like exactly what would have happened had this scene continued without interruption. And it's just… so lovely how you were able to do that. Words fail me. I’ll get into some specifics before I feel like an idiot.

he was moving quickly, rushing like he did through everything.
Well. Almost everything. -- Again, I love how the only reason he’s rushing is to get back to HER. I mean, how telling is that? Yet later she observes that he’s slowed down (when he's next to her with water). And I just love the way you show but don’t tell that. Meaning is packed into that subtle description.

a warm sleepy hum skipped along her nerve endings and spread out over her skin -- I WISH I WROTE THAT! I’m not sure how this is possible, but it’s almost like I can visualize it.

“(Out of breath yet laughing, thumbs on the curve of her ribs and his mouth against her neck, he’d said, You gotta stop making that noise. I can’t concentrate on anything else.)”—AHEM. Who can’t concentrate on anything else? THAT WOULD BE ME! JACK’S VOICE AND THAT DIALOGUE COMBINED. *drymouth*

(cutting through her insides, full force sucker-punch, because that first day, he hadn’t smiled once until he discovered he was dying) -- That is so JACK. And it’s so like her to remember it that way. And be that effected by his smile. Oh, god. This makes my stomach do happy dances of joy. The idea of them just smiling at each other. GAH!! *pictures it*

“You sure?”

“Really sure.” -- This dialogue is really really THEM. And I think it’s a perfect echo of the actual scene where she counters his concern by using even stronger language. (“You okay?” “Perfect”.) GAH!!! It’s so perfectly THEM.

AND BECAUSE I’M A TOOL I’M JUST GONNA GO AHEAD AND PASTE THIS: Her eyes mapped his scars, traveling from the ones he’d had so long they almost blended with his skin to the blotches of blood spreading into the bandages that covered the latest additions. Everything she needed to say (apologies, explanations, confessions) swirled and collided, fluttering moths in the back of her mind. She knew half an hour of happiness, giving because it felt good and taking because that felt good too, didn’t erase the last day, the last year, the last . . . whatever. The baggage (slice in her wrist, Vladimir, the cold fact that when she told him to pull the trigger, she’d meant it) would be waiting when she reluctantly climbed out of this bed, left the comforting shell of this warm sunlit room. -- BECAUSE IT IS HANDS-DOWN THE BEST PARAGRAPH YOU HAVE EVER WRITTEN. The description! “swirled and collided”! Moths in the back of her mind. Giving felt good and taking felt good too! Everything you say about baggage and meaning it when she said to pull the trigger. Ending it with “the comforting shell of this warm sunlit room”. Like… this whole paragraph manages to do fifty things at once. It’s worded so beautifully. You manage to capture the past, present and future all in a few sentences and combine Renee’s thoughts into them, without being too dark, without being too light, but striking an impossibly accurate balance for this specific scene and what she'd be feeling. It’s so fucking perfect. I just want to sit here and read this paragraph all fucking day.

GOD! Now she’s feeling for his fingertips under the covers and you’re melting my heart and writing things like “sunlight and color fading as the weight of everything dragged and pulled”. Honestly this whole fic makes me feels so soothed and comforted.

It was ludicrous, she thought, him saying that to her. Yeah. That might be my favorite line out of all of this. It’s so what she’d be thinking. All this time away from him, wondering. Gorgeous.

And the last bit of dialogue is INSANELY inspired. I love it to death. Him saying he doesn't need anything. Just! That is so HIM and so fitting

Thank you for writing this! I really needed to read this SO BADLY. You are my hero. &hearts

[mulefa.livejournal.com]

Absolutely loved it

[paladin24.livejournal.com]

WTB this as a deleted scene, or better yet, canon.

I love the line about Jack apologizing for not having any bottled water..reminds me of one of the things I like about Jack so much is that for a badass uber-hero he has that underlying layer of good old down-to-earth humility. There's something awesome about a dude who can take out a Spetznaz team with a rusty paper clip then doing this whole "holy shit, I just had sex. With Renee. I and my tap water are unworthy..."

[marinw.livejournal.com]

Fun Fact: NYC has excellent tap water. It's true! Many restaurants have sign saying "We proudly serve NYC tap water". But that's in our universe. In 24land the water may have been contaminated by the nookular rods.

[igotnothing0.livejournal.com]

AW! Aw aw aw aw AWW!

I can't say more right now, I'm supposed to be cleaning as we speak (way to waste a day off, huh?), but I read this and even though I may have a *slight* thing for angst, I find this to be wonderful. Complete. Lovely. :) XD ♥

Yay. :)

[dealan311.livejournal.com]

Right so, I loved this. I will have more coherent words once I get come back from my meeting but this is a lovely thing to wake up to.

Also, while reading this, I missed the part about you ignoring the sniper and making him go poof, so at the end, I had this mental image of him sitting at the window, dying of boredom. You know, hours of having him pace around the room waiting, throwing pencils at the ceiling, doing a rubix cube, flipping through the newspaper, sitting in unusual positions in his chair- you know, regular stakeout stuff that he wouldn't be expecting to do because he didn't anticipate having to wait for Renee and Jack to sleep it off. And that's not taking into account if they go for round 2 when they wake up, which in my head happens, and then Tokarev groans because he's all, REALLY? AGAIN? GEEZ. I'M SO HUNGRY, I WANT A SANDWICH. CAN THEY PLEASE GET OUT OF THE ROOM ALREADY?

And of course, he misses the one time Renee steps out of the room because he finally couldn't hold it anymore and went to the bathroom only to catch a glimpse of her slipping back into the room when he got back.

I don't know why, but suddenly it all turned into a comedy in my head. LOL.

[livlovlaugh.livejournal.com]

JACK/RENEE!!!

I've started to watch season eight again (cause I love torturing myself, and I stopped watching after Renee died so I wanna fill in the blanks) and this shows up on my friends page.

Lovely fic. I want to curl up with it and never leave my bed. Perfect. :)

[lowriseflare.livejournal.com]

AUGH, THIS. I love how every time you write them it still feels new.

(cutting through her insides, full force sucker-punch, because that first day, he hadn’t smiled once until he discovered he was dying), "fluttering moths in the back of her mind," how he's stopped moving as if someone is chasing him.

Also, I think this is the bit that a lot of people have been pulling out, but: The baggage (slice in her wrist, Vladimir, the cold fact that when she told him to pull the trigger, she’d meant it) would be waiting when she reluctantly climbed out of this bed, left the comforting shell of this warm sunlit room is really, really great. I love how you've given them, like, this small, sweet reprieve. Like they get to hide out for a little while and take a break. I'm glad they get to have that.

[century-fox.livejournal.com]

I’m so happy you ended up discovering this prompt and deciding to write it! This is incredibly amazing and beautiful.

I love that “a warm sleepy hum skipped along her nerve endings and spread out over her skin” and “she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt better.” <3

He sat on the edge of the bed, incongruously shy and formal when he’d spent the last half hour with his hands and his mouth all over her – stroking, licking, teasing. Holy fuckcakes. Just. GUHHHHH. *is dead from hotness overload*

Jack apologizing for the fact that it’s tap water and not bottled water, him waiting for Renee to drink her water before drinking his, his fucking adorable tiny smile…all of this is so completely HIM and I just love him so fucking much.

Everything she needed to say (apologies, explanations, confessions) swirled and collided, fluttering moths in the back of her mind. I teared up reading this line because it’s written so beautifully. Seriously, the things you’re able to do with words make me feel a million feelings all at once.

And then this: She knew half an hour of happiness, giving because it felt good and taking because that felt good too, didn’t erase the last day, the last year, the last . . . whatever. The baggage (slice in her wrist, Vladimir, the cold fact that when she told him to pull the trigger, she’d meant it) would be waiting when she reluctantly climbed out of this bed, left the comforting shell of this warm sunlit room. I love this so much, because even though Renee KNOWS that all the things that have happened to her aren’t just going to go away, at the moment none of that matters because she has Jack and they’re together and right now that’s all either of them need to focus on.

What she cared about was that Jack had slowed down, stopped moving as if someone were chasing him. This makes me so happy because Jack’s spent so much of his life in situations where he has to (as you mentioned at the beginning of this) move quickly/rush through everything/run away and the fact that he finally gets the opportunity to just slow down and be with Renee and be happy is just the best.

Jack resting his forehead on Renee’s shoulder and kissing her neck and then Renee putting her head on his chest and Jack rubbing her back = SQUEE.

“sunlight and color fading as the weight of everything dragged and pulled” – Again, your phrasing is just fantastic.

And the ending, with Renee forcing herself to keep her eyes open and making sure Jack can get up if he needs to, and then Jack saying he doesn’t need anything…I can picture that SO clearly, and you did such a wonderful job of creating an overall mood of serenity and safety and happiness.

Thank you so, so much for writing this and for letting this scene happen the way it should have happened on the show. <3

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

What she cared about was that Jack had slowed down, stopped moving as if someone were chasing him.

alskdfjasldkfjasl;fkjasdl;kfa

HE WAITS FOR HER TO DRINK HER WATER BEFORE HE DRINKS HIS.

And then at the end he says "I don't need anything."

My heart. This never stops bringing a smile to my face. he's petting her shoulder and kissing her neck and they're getting a chance to snuggle in afterglow. You are my favorite person ever.