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Challenge Fic #1
Author: Leigh57
Summary: “Is he coming back?” she asked, turning to face the other woman.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Blah blah.
A/N: These challenge fics are my little exercise in forcing myself to write, and write quickly, no matter what happens. I'm sure sometimes the quality will reflect that. Oy. Thanks to Adrienne and Katie for super quick betas. And a pox upon you, Rachel, for making me write Kim! A very loving pox though. I swear.
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catch22girl - first line challenge. Fandom = 24. Characters = Kim and Renee. My first sentence was, “'Is he coming back?' she asked, turning to face the other woman." Well I cheated and changed it into past tense, because that's where my brain is at the moment.
And here's what I came up with:
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“Is he coming back?” she asked, turning to face the other woman.
“I don’t know,” Kim replied, looking anxiously at the door. “Eventually. Dr. Macer’s the only one who tells me what’s going on. The rest of them check his vitals, write on his chart, and leave. I’m lucky if I get a sentence out of them.” She took a sip of coffee from the white Styrofoam cup in her hand and made a face. “You’d think I’d learn to stop drinking this. The cafeteria stuff is better if you want me to get you some.”
“No, thanks. I’m fine.” Renee looked around the tiny waiting room, taking in the antiseptic white walls, beige chairs, and flat-screen TV mounted in the corner. Continuing CNN coverage of the Olivia Taylor mess. She glanced back at Kim. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner. I was tied up with the Attorney General’s office. I didn’t even get your messages until a few hours ago.” She sank into one of the cheaply upholstered chairs.
“It’s okay.” Kim sat down across from her, pushing off her high-heeled shoes and leaning back into the stiff grey couch. “I wasn’t even sure if I should call you. But it seemed as if my dad. . .”
“Your dad what?“
“Nothing. I’m not making sense. I just think he would have wanted you to know.”
“I’m glad you called. The last time I saw him I was sure . . .” She swallowed. “What are the doctors saying?” She absently rubbed at a bruise on her forearm.
“Nothing that makes a whole lot of sense.” Kim stared into her coffee cup, idly swirling the remaining contents. “What I get from Dr. Macer is that nobody knows for sure what’s going on with him. If the treatment didn’t work, he should be dead by now. If it did, he should be showing signs of coming out of the coma, and he’s not.”
Renee laced her hands together, observing the red scrape that covered the curve of her thumb. Despite her exhaustion, she felt overcaffeinated, like she couldn’t sit without fidgeting. After a minute she said quietly, “I’m glad you got to talk to him before Dr. Macer put him under.”
Kim looked up, her eyes glassy, and shook her head. “I didn’t. She’d already induced the coma by the time I could get here. I thought I was too late to do anything.” One of the fluorescent bulbs overhead flickered for a moment and went dark. “I guess maybe I was right.”
“You don’t know that yet.”
“No. But I can’t stop thinking that if I’d pushed him harder, maybe he would have listened.”
“I doubt it. He was adamant about you not being involved. And you told me yourself how impossible it is to change his mind.” Renee reached for the back of her neck, moving her fingers in circles over the knot of pain that extended from there all the way across her shoulders.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Renee listened to the intermittent squeaks of carts being pushed by outside, the random PA announcements -- one of which included a code blue on another floor -- and the quiet drone of the television above her head. The volume was too low for her to make out the words, but the pictures were still of Olivia Taylor, interspersed with some file footage of the president. She felt vaguely as if she ought to associate some emotion with the images on the screen, but it might as well have been a test pattern.
Meaningless white noise.
Kim said tentatively, “Can I ask you something?”
“Definitely.”
“You worked pretty closely with my dad, right?”
Renee paused, trying to figure out the most honest way to respond. “Well I hadn’t even known him for a full day when you finally caught up with him, but yes.”
“He asked you to find me at the airport.”
Renee smiled tiredly. “I don’t think he had a lot of options.”
“He wouldn’t have called unless he trusted you.”
“I hope you’re right,” Renee replied softly. She wanted to add, He’s already been screwed by enough people, don’t you think?, but instead she counted slowly backwards from five until the impulse passed. She could still hear the shock in Kim’s voice when she’d mentioned Tony. No need to go there again.
Not now.
“What did you think of him?” Kim took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. It’s just that-” She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and swallowed another sip of coffee. “I hadn’t talked to him for so long. And then when I finally decided to try, I couldn’t find him. I thought maybe if he knew-“
“Knew what?”
Kim paused, studying the back of her hands. “I have a daughter. She’s one of the reasons I was so determined to find him. But when I got here I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.” She put the Styrofoam cup on the end table, next to the purple plastic flowers. “It was hard enough for him to have me here.”
Renee squeezed her fingers into the scratchy fabric of the chair until she could feel her fingernails pulling away from the flesh underneath. She didn’t want to know this, not when Jack was lying unconscious in a room down the hall, when he might die without ever hearing Kim say those words. But it didn’t matter now, so she forced herself to ask, “What’s her name?”
“Teri.” Kim reached for her purse and began to search through the main compartment. “I have some pictures if you want-” She broke off. “I’m sorry. I have this compulsion to show them to everybody.”
“Teri.” Renee’s voice was quiet and uneven. “I’d love to see them.”
Kim stood and walked over. Taking the seat next to Renee, she placed the plastic rectangle in Renee’s hand. “I had these taken about two weeks ago.”
Renee smoothed her thumb over the protective plastic, gazing at the blue-eyed baby whose resemblance to Jack was strong enough to be almost startling. The image blurred and she blinked, bringing it back into focus. “She’s gorgeous.” Without lifting her eyes she added, “In answer to your question about your dad, I thought a lot of things about him. Most of them were wrong, especially at first.”
Kim wiped the edge of her eye. “Well he’s a pain in the ass.”
“Yeah. He is.”
“Did you get to talk to him? Before they brought him here?”
The eagerness in Kim’s voice made Renee’s stomach muscles contract. She didn’t want to go back to that moment. Not now. Not here. Depending on the outcome of the next few days, maybe not ever. She’s Jack’s daughter. You don’t have a choice. “For a few minutes.”
“Was he-” Kim's voice caught, and she was quiet again while Renee watched the red second hand on the wall clock opposite her drift rhythmically in a complete circle. Finally Kim cleared her throat and sat up straighter. “If he doesn’t make it, I just need to know if he seemed-” She stopped again. “Shit. I’m sorry. I don’t even know what I’m trying to ask you.”
“It’s fine.” Renee swiped at the tear she could feel slipping down towards her chin. “I do.”
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Summary: “Is he coming back?” she asked, turning to face the other woman.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Blah blah.
A/N: These challenge fics are my little exercise in forcing myself to write, and write quickly, no matter what happens. I'm sure sometimes the quality will reflect that. Oy. Thanks to Adrienne and Katie for super quick betas. And a pox upon you, Rachel, for making me write Kim! A very loving pox though. I swear.
For
catch22girl - first line challenge. Fandom = 24. Characters = Kim and Renee. My first sentence was, “'Is he coming back?' she asked, turning to face the other woman." Well I cheated and changed it into past tense, because that's where my brain is at the moment.And here's what I came up with:
_________________________
“Is he coming back?” she asked, turning to face the other woman.
“I don’t know,” Kim replied, looking anxiously at the door. “Eventually. Dr. Macer’s the only one who tells me what’s going on. The rest of them check his vitals, write on his chart, and leave. I’m lucky if I get a sentence out of them.” She took a sip of coffee from the white Styrofoam cup in her hand and made a face. “You’d think I’d learn to stop drinking this. The cafeteria stuff is better if you want me to get you some.”
“No, thanks. I’m fine.” Renee looked around the tiny waiting room, taking in the antiseptic white walls, beige chairs, and flat-screen TV mounted in the corner. Continuing CNN coverage of the Olivia Taylor mess. She glanced back at Kim. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner. I was tied up with the Attorney General’s office. I didn’t even get your messages until a few hours ago.” She sank into one of the cheaply upholstered chairs.
“It’s okay.” Kim sat down across from her, pushing off her high-heeled shoes and leaning back into the stiff grey couch. “I wasn’t even sure if I should call you. But it seemed as if my dad. . .”
“Your dad what?“
“Nothing. I’m not making sense. I just think he would have wanted you to know.”
“I’m glad you called. The last time I saw him I was sure . . .” She swallowed. “What are the doctors saying?” She absently rubbed at a bruise on her forearm.
“Nothing that makes a whole lot of sense.” Kim stared into her coffee cup, idly swirling the remaining contents. “What I get from Dr. Macer is that nobody knows for sure what’s going on with him. If the treatment didn’t work, he should be dead by now. If it did, he should be showing signs of coming out of the coma, and he’s not.”
Renee laced her hands together, observing the red scrape that covered the curve of her thumb. Despite her exhaustion, she felt overcaffeinated, like she couldn’t sit without fidgeting. After a minute she said quietly, “I’m glad you got to talk to him before Dr. Macer put him under.”
Kim looked up, her eyes glassy, and shook her head. “I didn’t. She’d already induced the coma by the time I could get here. I thought I was too late to do anything.” One of the fluorescent bulbs overhead flickered for a moment and went dark. “I guess maybe I was right.”
“You don’t know that yet.”
“No. But I can’t stop thinking that if I’d pushed him harder, maybe he would have listened.”
“I doubt it. He was adamant about you not being involved. And you told me yourself how impossible it is to change his mind.” Renee reached for the back of her neck, moving her fingers in circles over the knot of pain that extended from there all the way across her shoulders.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Renee listened to the intermittent squeaks of carts being pushed by outside, the random PA announcements -- one of which included a code blue on another floor -- and the quiet drone of the television above her head. The volume was too low for her to make out the words, but the pictures were still of Olivia Taylor, interspersed with some file footage of the president. She felt vaguely as if she ought to associate some emotion with the images on the screen, but it might as well have been a test pattern.
Meaningless white noise.
Kim said tentatively, “Can I ask you something?”
“Definitely.”
“You worked pretty closely with my dad, right?”
Renee paused, trying to figure out the most honest way to respond. “Well I hadn’t even known him for a full day when you finally caught up with him, but yes.”
“He asked you to find me at the airport.”
Renee smiled tiredly. “I don’t think he had a lot of options.”
“He wouldn’t have called unless he trusted you.”
“I hope you’re right,” Renee replied softly. She wanted to add, He’s already been screwed by enough people, don’t you think?, but instead she counted slowly backwards from five until the impulse passed. She could still hear the shock in Kim’s voice when she’d mentioned Tony. No need to go there again.
Not now.
“What did you think of him?” Kim took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. It’s just that-” She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and swallowed another sip of coffee. “I hadn’t talked to him for so long. And then when I finally decided to try, I couldn’t find him. I thought maybe if he knew-“
“Knew what?”
Kim paused, studying the back of her hands. “I have a daughter. She’s one of the reasons I was so determined to find him. But when I got here I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.” She put the Styrofoam cup on the end table, next to the purple plastic flowers. “It was hard enough for him to have me here.”
Renee squeezed her fingers into the scratchy fabric of the chair until she could feel her fingernails pulling away from the flesh underneath. She didn’t want to know this, not when Jack was lying unconscious in a room down the hall, when he might die without ever hearing Kim say those words. But it didn’t matter now, so she forced herself to ask, “What’s her name?”
“Teri.” Kim reached for her purse and began to search through the main compartment. “I have some pictures if you want-” She broke off. “I’m sorry. I have this compulsion to show them to everybody.”
“Teri.” Renee’s voice was quiet and uneven. “I’d love to see them.”
Kim stood and walked over. Taking the seat next to Renee, she placed the plastic rectangle in Renee’s hand. “I had these taken about two weeks ago.”
Renee smoothed her thumb over the protective plastic, gazing at the blue-eyed baby whose resemblance to Jack was strong enough to be almost startling. The image blurred and she blinked, bringing it back into focus. “She’s gorgeous.” Without lifting her eyes she added, “In answer to your question about your dad, I thought a lot of things about him. Most of them were wrong, especially at first.”
Kim wiped the edge of her eye. “Well he’s a pain in the ass.”
“Yeah. He is.”
“Did you get to talk to him? Before they brought him here?”
The eagerness in Kim’s voice made Renee’s stomach muscles contract. She didn’t want to go back to that moment. Not now. Not here. Depending on the outcome of the next few days, maybe not ever. She’s Jack’s daughter. You don’t have a choice. “For a few minutes.”
“Was he-” Kim's voice caught, and she was quiet again while Renee watched the red second hand on the wall clock opposite her drift rhythmically in a complete circle. Finally Kim cleared her throat and sat up straighter. “If he doesn’t make it, I just need to know if he seemed-” She stopped again. “Shit. I’m sorry. I don’t even know what I’m trying to ask you.”
“It’s fine.” Renee swiped at the tear she could feel slipping down towards her chin. “I do.”
_________________________
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And OMG is it January yet???
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And OMG is it January yet???
*sobs* NO! And if someone doesn't tell me something concrete about what's going on with Renee, I'm going to scream. Meh. Thanks for the comment! Love your icon, btw.
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I think that's why Jack/Renee clicked so well for me. HUGZ!
And if someone doesn't tell me something concrete about what's going on with Renee, I'm going to scream.
LOL what kind of 'concrete' info are you looking for?
Love your icon, btw.
Thanks!
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Well pretty much anything regarding Renee would be a little bit awesome. Everything they're saying is so vague that I'm starting to freak out that she's going to catch a bullet in the fourth episode or something. They wouldn't even allow Renee questions at Comic Con, so I'm more or less crossing my fingers that this means they're going to do something fun and dramatic with her, rather than off her. GAH show.
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which seems to indicate that she'll be a larger part of the storyline than just someone for Jack to angst over.
*crosses fingers that you're right*
OMG icon. Is that one yours? I want it so BAD.
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The eagerness in Kim’s voice made Renee’s stomach muscles contract. She didn’t want to go back to that moment. Not now. Not here. Depending on the outcome of the next few days, maybe not ever. She’s Jack’s daughter. You don’t have a choice. “For a few minutes.”
Oh, yeah. I'm loving that you have a better understanding of Kim now. And Renee -- well.
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I'm so glad to have seen more Kim now too, because I'm starting to get a better handle on her and her relationship with Jack. I'm sure watching a couple more seasons will help with that even more. Meh meepy icon!
And Renee -- well.
Is that good? Gah! I love Renee so much it's amazing I write her at all. I live in perpetual fear of screwing her awesomeness up. I'm glad you liked it!
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And how cool is the "CNN coverage of the Olivia Taylor mess"? Hehe.
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I'm so glad you think this is IC. Writing Kim stresses me out to the max. Given that she's a huge part of the 24verse, I probably need to get over it. Thanks for the comment:)
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Holivia, LOL! I wanted to throw things at the TV whenever she was on. She wasted so much time and was so utterly annoying.
And this is totally unrelated, but I thught you'd find it interesting.
"I was at Comic-Con this year and was in line for a question. About 3 of my question ideas they would not let me ask. They screened the questions before you could ask, and they told me I could not ask anything about Renee/Jack relationship or even about Renee. I was pretty upset about that! I tried to get any Renee info, but they weren't having it."
I'm not sure what this means. Good sign or freak out sign?
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Yeah, I have no clue and it's about to drive me out of my mind. Optimistic me says maybe they're trying to keep everything hush hush because Renee's reentrance is going to be super dramatic. Pessimistic me says they're planning something awful and don't want anybody to know. AUGH SHOW. I think I'm going to have to get used to patience, which is SO not one of my skills.
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Hee. I bet.
Good description of the hospital.
“What I get from Dr. Macer is that nobody knows for sure what’s going on with him. If the treatment didn’t work, he should be dead by now. If it did, he should be showing signs of coming out of the coma, and he’s not.”
*is worried*
It's my own wank that Jack does know about Teri-He would have done some research about Kim when he got back from Sangala, even if he didn't contact her. I do respect Kim (Did I just say that?) for not using Teri as emotional blackmail.
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See I have pretty much nothing but love for Kim in S7. It's when I go back and watch the earlier seasons that I get some *facepalm* moments. But yes, it's excellent that she didn't pull the Teri card just to get Jack to do what she wanted. And huh -- you think he wouldn't have gone for the stem cells even if he knew about Teri? Interesting!
Glad you liked the hospital bit -- it's kinda hilarious how much hospital stuff I've written since I've picked up this pairing.
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That poor kid has enough baggage already, seeing she is named Teri.
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Well something must have changed his mind on this, right? Given that we have set photos of him being superhotgrandpa!Jack?
That poor kid has enough baggage already, seeing she is named Teri.
ARGH. Well I just hope it doesn't mean she has a target on her forehead the way Teri 1.0 apparently did. THAT I do not need to see.
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Do I get more Goren/Eames, soon? Love you:)
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What most impressed me about this was the amazing characterizations. Kim... just! She's so every bit like any incarnation I've seen her in on the show. And I believe someone above me said something like... And Renee? Well. Because EVERYONE knows how much you kick ass with Renee. So basically what I'm saying is that Kim sounds like Kim and Renee sounds like Renee and they do things I can picture them doing... and yada yada this is just like a scene out of the show.
Okay a couple more things. I promise not to ramble on forever this time.
The reference to the Olivia "mess" was absolutely awesome and inspired and it made me laugh. But it also made me all SAD because of the WAY you used it. Like showing how Renee really was just SO tired and could only really bring herself to care about Jack at the moment and the pile of legal bullshit she's under. You know? You used that SO well.
Renee squeezed her fingers into the scratchy fabric of the chair until she could feel her fingernails pulling away from the flesh underneath. She didn’t want to know this, not when Jack was lying unconscious in a room down the hall, when he might die without ever hearing Kim say those words. that's worded so beautifully and it's so raw. I just want to hug her.
“I’m sorry. I have this compulsion to show them to everybody.” That's so motherly. And so Kim. I loved that line.
The image blurred and she blinked, bringing it back into focus. “She’s gorgeous.” Without lifting her eyes she added, “In answer to your question about your dad, I thought a lot of things about him. Most of them were wrong, especially at first.” I already raved to you about how that line about the image blurring is entirely fabumouse. But I also love Renee's answer, because of the way I can hear her saying it, and because of the fact it says so much about how she feels about him, even though she HAS only known him a day.
I also love the ending. SO Renee. And I want to read more!
Okay. I'm shutting up now. Great job on this. Can't wait to see the other ones. Muah.
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I can never quite get over how close Jack and Renee did manage to get in a day, so you know I'm always gonna use that. And Kim was so adorable this season, all trying to do the right thing even though she wants Jack to listen to her. She's a better person than I am. I totally would have told him about the baby to make him change his mind. Thanks for talking me through this and pushing me to keep going when I was all in stall mode. <3
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I totally would have told him about the baby to make him change his mind. Yeah? Hahahaha. Well dude. I'd just want him to LIVE. So I think I would too. But then that could go either way. It could make him MORE apt to refuse the experimental treatment, since the small danger to Kim would be something to take into even MORE consideration. Then there's the fact that that's one more life he might feel that his job would put in danger. HUH. Although obviously he's not caring about that at the beginning of 8. So idk. Getting into Jack's head on this subject is very difficult.
P.S. We need to icon brainstorm. I'm seriously in need of something refreshing.
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Also, if it does, what do you think?
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• “I didn’t. She’d already induced the coma by the time I could get here. I thought I was too late to do anything.” One of the fluorescent bulbs overhead flickered for a moment and went dark. “I guess maybe I was right.” I really loved that you included the image of the bulb going out with what Kim was saying because aksdklasjda, it fit so well and was such a great visual representation of how she was feeling.
• "But I can’t stop thinking that if I’d pushed him harder, maybe he would have listened.” Awww. I felt so bad for Kim there...even though she knows that Jack is stubborn and pretty much impossible to convince once he has his mind set on something, she still wished that she'd been able to change his mind about the treatment. =/
• “He wouldn’t have called unless he trusted you.” This is where the shipper in me gets all flaily and happy because I love how Kim picked up on the fact that Jack obviously sees Renee as someone he can trust, even after only knowing her for less than a day.
• Awww, Kim talking about Teri...it made me sad because I could tell how much she wanted to tell Jack that he was a grandfather, but she didn't want to say anything that would cause him any more pain in addition to everything he was already going through. And this: “I have some pictures if you want-” She broke off. “I’m sorry. I have this compulsion to show them to everybody.” ajslkdajskd. That was the cutest thing ever. I love Kim as a mom.
• She didn’t want to know this, not when Jack was lying unconscious in a room down the hall, when he might die without ever hearing Kim say those words. That. Fucking KILLED me. GAH. Seriously, it like...actually hurt me to read that, that's how fucking amazing and emotional and real it was.
• “It’s fine.” Renee swiped at the tear she could feel slipping down towards her chin. “I do.” I loved that last line, even though it made me so sad to see Renee cry...but I loved it because it shows how much Jack means to her AND how well she knows him, because she understood what Kim was trying to say to her.
This fic was amazing and I will never get over how fucking well you're able to get into these characters' heads and write these awesome lines that sum up their emotions SO WELL.
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Okay then. Well these ficlets are still freaking the heck out of me because I'm writing them so quickly, but I'm hoping it's a good exercise. I was totally freaked when Rachel gave me Kim, because I don't feel as if I know Kim very well, but I did the best I could with what I did have. Kim's S7 awesomeness helps a lot I think, and I love her as a Mom, too.
I can never stop thinking about how Renee must have felt when they wheeled Jack out of the warehouse or wherever the heck they were. What she most likely did to Wilson makes so much sense, because in her mind she probably doesn't have a lot left to lose. I hate thinking of her like that, and that was the one thing that broke me about the final ep -- the fact that we don't get to see Renee realize he's going to be okay. And I'm now totally FLAIL about S8. I went from pretty calm to borderline insane over the past few days, just because of the Renee information blackout. GAH. And I will now shut up. Thanks so much for your epic comments:)
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And you did a really great job with Kim, so don't worry. I totally understand the fear of wanting to write the characters well and not screw them up, but in all the fics of yours that I've read, you've always done such a great job of writing them and keeping them in character.
And you're welcome! :) I feel bad that you've been in a crappy mood, though, so I made this picture of Jack and Renee at an Emmylou Harris & Mark Knopfler concert in hopes that it'd help you feel a little better: http://i28.tinypic.com/dzh1ep.jpg
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Thank you for the IC comments. Those make me feel SO great:)
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Excellent Kim. As I told you, I loved how she was mature and so a mom and yet also so very Kim. I'd start pointing out favorite bits but it'd be a lot.
Your Renee is amazing as per usual. I love the relationship they're starting here.
As someone else mentioned but it's so freakin' true, you really bring the hospital to life here, it feels like the way it feels in a waiting room, if that makes any sense. I love that Kim isn't by his bedside, that she's drinking too much awful coffee, that the tv is white noise.
And I know you were wondering how I'd feel about this:
“He asked you to find me at the airport.”
Renee smiled tiredly. “I don’t think he had a lot of options.”
“He wouldn’t have called unless he trusted you.”
“I hope you’re right,” Renee replied softly. She wanted to add, He’s already been screwed by enough people, don’t you think?, but instead she counted slowly backwards from five until the impulse passed. She could still hear the shock in Kim’s voice when she’d mentioned Tony. No need to go there again.
Loved it. He's been screwed by enough people, oooo snap. Seriously, you rock.
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Not gonna lie -- I do a happy dance when anybody says I got Renee right. It's a little bit ridiculous how much I love her. As for Kim, I'm glad you didn't hate my incarnation of her. It's scary man, writing this for you, the resident Kim expert. Yikes! Also, thanks for not killing me on the Tony line. It was coming from Renee, so I kind of couldn't help it. *ducks*
God Jack HAS been screwed by a lot of people. If I were him I'd be in a rubber room. Then again, he's fake. Thanks, Rachel:)