Challenge Fic #1
Aug. 5th, 2009 12:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leigh57Author: Leigh57
Summary: “Is he coming back?” she asked, turning to face the other woman.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Blah blah.
A/N: These challenge fics are my little exercise in forcing myself to write, and write quickly, no matter what happens. I'm sure sometimes the quality will reflect that. Oy. Thanks to Adrienne and Katie for super quick betas. And a pox upon you, Rachel, for making me write Kim! A very loving pox though. I swear.
For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
catch22girl - first line challenge. Fandom = 24. Characters = Kim and Renee. My first sentence was, “'Is he coming back?' she asked, turning to face the other woman." Well I cheated and changed it into past tense, because that's where my brain is at the moment.
And here's what I came up with:
_________________________
“Is he coming back?” she asked, turning to face the other woman.
“I don’t know,” Kim replied, looking anxiously at the door. “Eventually. Dr. Macer’s the only one who tells me what’s going on. The rest of them check his vitals, write on his chart, and leave. I’m lucky if I get a sentence out of them.” She took a sip of coffee from the white Styrofoam cup in her hand and made a face. “You’d think I’d learn to stop drinking this. The cafeteria stuff is better if you want me to get you some.”
“No, thanks. I’m fine.” Renee looked around the tiny waiting room, taking in the antiseptic white walls, beige chairs, and flat-screen TV mounted in the corner. Continuing CNN coverage of the Olivia Taylor mess. She glanced back at Kim. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner. I was tied up with the Attorney General’s office. I didn’t even get your messages until a few hours ago.” She sank into one of the cheaply upholstered chairs.
“It’s okay.” Kim sat down across from her, pushing off her high-heeled shoes and leaning back into the stiff grey couch. “I wasn’t even sure if I should call you. But it seemed as if my dad. . .”
“Your dad what?“
“Nothing. I’m not making sense. I just think he would have wanted you to know.”
“I’m glad you called. The last time I saw him I was sure . . .” She swallowed. “What are the doctors saying?” She absently rubbed at a bruise on her forearm.
“Nothing that makes a whole lot of sense.” Kim stared into her coffee cup, idly swirling the remaining contents. “What I get from Dr. Macer is that nobody knows for sure what’s going on with him. If the treatment didn’t work, he should be dead by now. If it did, he should be showing signs of coming out of the coma, and he’s not.”
Renee laced her hands together, observing the red scrape that covered the curve of her thumb. Despite her exhaustion, she felt overcaffeinated, like she couldn’t sit without fidgeting. After a minute she said quietly, “I’m glad you got to talk to him before Dr. Macer put him under.”
Kim looked up, her eyes glassy, and shook her head. “I didn’t. She’d already induced the coma by the time I could get here. I thought I was too late to do anything.” One of the fluorescent bulbs overhead flickered for a moment and went dark. “I guess maybe I was right.”
“You don’t know that yet.”
“No. But I can’t stop thinking that if I’d pushed him harder, maybe he would have listened.”
“I doubt it. He was adamant about you not being involved. And you told me yourself how impossible it is to change his mind.” Renee reached for the back of her neck, moving her fingers in circles over the knot of pain that extended from there all the way across her shoulders.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Renee listened to the intermittent squeaks of carts being pushed by outside, the random PA announcements -- one of which included a code blue on another floor -- and the quiet drone of the television above her head. The volume was too low for her to make out the words, but the pictures were still of Olivia Taylor, interspersed with some file footage of the president. She felt vaguely as if she ought to associate some emotion with the images on the screen, but it might as well have been a test pattern.
Meaningless white noise.
Kim said tentatively, “Can I ask you something?”
“Definitely.”
“You worked pretty closely with my dad, right?”
Renee paused, trying to figure out the most honest way to respond. “Well I hadn’t even known him for a full day when you finally caught up with him, but yes.”
“He asked you to find me at the airport.”
Renee smiled tiredly. “I don’t think he had a lot of options.”
“He wouldn’t have called unless he trusted you.”
“I hope you’re right,” Renee replied softly. She wanted to add, He’s already been screwed by enough people, don’t you think?, but instead she counted slowly backwards from five until the impulse passed. She could still hear the shock in Kim’s voice when she’d mentioned Tony. No need to go there again.
Not now.
“What did you think of him?” Kim took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. It’s just that-” She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and swallowed another sip of coffee. “I hadn’t talked to him for so long. And then when I finally decided to try, I couldn’t find him. I thought maybe if he knew-“
“Knew what?”
Kim paused, studying the back of her hands. “I have a daughter. She’s one of the reasons I was so determined to find him. But when I got here I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.” She put the Styrofoam cup on the end table, next to the purple plastic flowers. “It was hard enough for him to have me here.”
Renee squeezed her fingers into the scratchy fabric of the chair until she could feel her fingernails pulling away from the flesh underneath. She didn’t want to know this, not when Jack was lying unconscious in a room down the hall, when he might die without ever hearing Kim say those words. But it didn’t matter now, so she forced herself to ask, “What’s her name?”
“Teri.” Kim reached for her purse and began to search through the main compartment. “I have some pictures if you want-” She broke off. “I’m sorry. I have this compulsion to show them to everybody.”
“Teri.” Renee’s voice was quiet and uneven. “I’d love to see them.”
Kim stood and walked over. Taking the seat next to Renee, she placed the plastic rectangle in Renee’s hand. “I had these taken about two weeks ago.”
Renee smoothed her thumb over the protective plastic, gazing at the blue-eyed baby whose resemblance to Jack was strong enough to be almost startling. The image blurred and she blinked, bringing it back into focus. “She’s gorgeous.” Without lifting her eyes she added, “In answer to your question about your dad, I thought a lot of things about him. Most of them were wrong, especially at first.”
Kim wiped the edge of her eye. “Well he’s a pain in the ass.”
“Yeah. He is.”
“Did you get to talk to him? Before they brought him here?”
The eagerness in Kim’s voice made Renee’s stomach muscles contract. She didn’t want to go back to that moment. Not now. Not here. Depending on the outcome of the next few days, maybe not ever. She’s Jack’s daughter. You don’t have a choice. “For a few minutes.”
“Was he-” Kim's voice caught, and she was quiet again while Renee watched the red second hand on the wall clock opposite her drift rhythmically in a complete circle. Finally Kim cleared her throat and sat up straighter. “If he doesn’t make it, I just need to know if he seemed-” She stopped again. “Shit. I’m sorry. I don’t even know what I’m trying to ask you.”
“It’s fine.” Renee swiped at the tear she could feel slipping down towards her chin. “I do.”
_________________________
Summary: “Is he coming back?” she asked, turning to face the other woman.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Blah blah.
A/N: These challenge fics are my little exercise in forcing myself to write, and write quickly, no matter what happens. I'm sure sometimes the quality will reflect that. Oy. Thanks to Adrienne and Katie for super quick betas. And a pox upon you, Rachel, for making me write Kim! A very loving pox though. I swear.
For
catch22girl - first line challenge. Fandom = 24. Characters = Kim and Renee. My first sentence was, “'Is he coming back?' she asked, turning to face the other woman." Well I cheated and changed it into past tense, because that's where my brain is at the moment.And here's what I came up with:
_________________________
“Is he coming back?” she asked, turning to face the other woman.
“I don’t know,” Kim replied, looking anxiously at the door. “Eventually. Dr. Macer’s the only one who tells me what’s going on. The rest of them check his vitals, write on his chart, and leave. I’m lucky if I get a sentence out of them.” She took a sip of coffee from the white Styrofoam cup in her hand and made a face. “You’d think I’d learn to stop drinking this. The cafeteria stuff is better if you want me to get you some.”
“No, thanks. I’m fine.” Renee looked around the tiny waiting room, taking in the antiseptic white walls, beige chairs, and flat-screen TV mounted in the corner. Continuing CNN coverage of the Olivia Taylor mess. She glanced back at Kim. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner. I was tied up with the Attorney General’s office. I didn’t even get your messages until a few hours ago.” She sank into one of the cheaply upholstered chairs.
“It’s okay.” Kim sat down across from her, pushing off her high-heeled shoes and leaning back into the stiff grey couch. “I wasn’t even sure if I should call you. But it seemed as if my dad. . .”
“Your dad what?“
“Nothing. I’m not making sense. I just think he would have wanted you to know.”
“I’m glad you called. The last time I saw him I was sure . . .” She swallowed. “What are the doctors saying?” She absently rubbed at a bruise on her forearm.
“Nothing that makes a whole lot of sense.” Kim stared into her coffee cup, idly swirling the remaining contents. “What I get from Dr. Macer is that nobody knows for sure what’s going on with him. If the treatment didn’t work, he should be dead by now. If it did, he should be showing signs of coming out of the coma, and he’s not.”
Renee laced her hands together, observing the red scrape that covered the curve of her thumb. Despite her exhaustion, she felt overcaffeinated, like she couldn’t sit without fidgeting. After a minute she said quietly, “I’m glad you got to talk to him before Dr. Macer put him under.”
Kim looked up, her eyes glassy, and shook her head. “I didn’t. She’d already induced the coma by the time I could get here. I thought I was too late to do anything.” One of the fluorescent bulbs overhead flickered for a moment and went dark. “I guess maybe I was right.”
“You don’t know that yet.”
“No. But I can’t stop thinking that if I’d pushed him harder, maybe he would have listened.”
“I doubt it. He was adamant about you not being involved. And you told me yourself how impossible it is to change his mind.” Renee reached for the back of her neck, moving her fingers in circles over the knot of pain that extended from there all the way across her shoulders.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Renee listened to the intermittent squeaks of carts being pushed by outside, the random PA announcements -- one of which included a code blue on another floor -- and the quiet drone of the television above her head. The volume was too low for her to make out the words, but the pictures were still of Olivia Taylor, interspersed with some file footage of the president. She felt vaguely as if she ought to associate some emotion with the images on the screen, but it might as well have been a test pattern.
Meaningless white noise.
Kim said tentatively, “Can I ask you something?”
“Definitely.”
“You worked pretty closely with my dad, right?”
Renee paused, trying to figure out the most honest way to respond. “Well I hadn’t even known him for a full day when you finally caught up with him, but yes.”
“He asked you to find me at the airport.”
Renee smiled tiredly. “I don’t think he had a lot of options.”
“He wouldn’t have called unless he trusted you.”
“I hope you’re right,” Renee replied softly. She wanted to add, He’s already been screwed by enough people, don’t you think?, but instead she counted slowly backwards from five until the impulse passed. She could still hear the shock in Kim’s voice when she’d mentioned Tony. No need to go there again.
Not now.
“What did you think of him?” Kim took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. It’s just that-” She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and swallowed another sip of coffee. “I hadn’t talked to him for so long. And then when I finally decided to try, I couldn’t find him. I thought maybe if he knew-“
“Knew what?”
Kim paused, studying the back of her hands. “I have a daughter. She’s one of the reasons I was so determined to find him. But when I got here I couldn’t bring myself to tell him.” She put the Styrofoam cup on the end table, next to the purple plastic flowers. “It was hard enough for him to have me here.”
Renee squeezed her fingers into the scratchy fabric of the chair until she could feel her fingernails pulling away from the flesh underneath. She didn’t want to know this, not when Jack was lying unconscious in a room down the hall, when he might die without ever hearing Kim say those words. But it didn’t matter now, so she forced herself to ask, “What’s her name?”
“Teri.” Kim reached for her purse and began to search through the main compartment. “I have some pictures if you want-” She broke off. “I’m sorry. I have this compulsion to show them to everybody.”
“Teri.” Renee’s voice was quiet and uneven. “I’d love to see them.”
Kim stood and walked over. Taking the seat next to Renee, she placed the plastic rectangle in Renee’s hand. “I had these taken about two weeks ago.”
Renee smoothed her thumb over the protective plastic, gazing at the blue-eyed baby whose resemblance to Jack was strong enough to be almost startling. The image blurred and she blinked, bringing it back into focus. “She’s gorgeous.” Without lifting her eyes she added, “In answer to your question about your dad, I thought a lot of things about him. Most of them were wrong, especially at first.”
Kim wiped the edge of her eye. “Well he’s a pain in the ass.”
“Yeah. He is.”
“Did you get to talk to him? Before they brought him here?”
The eagerness in Kim’s voice made Renee’s stomach muscles contract. She didn’t want to go back to that moment. Not now. Not here. Depending on the outcome of the next few days, maybe not ever. She’s Jack’s daughter. You don’t have a choice. “For a few minutes.”
“Was he-” Kim's voice caught, and she was quiet again while Renee watched the red second hand on the wall clock opposite her drift rhythmically in a complete circle. Finally Kim cleared her throat and sat up straighter. “If he doesn’t make it, I just need to know if he seemed-” She stopped again. “Shit. I’m sorry. I don’t even know what I’m trying to ask you.”
“It’s fine.” Renee swiped at the tear she could feel slipping down towards her chin. “I do.”
_________________________
