So I’ve probably already told you all my extra special favorite parts of this, but most of all I love the way it so perfectly captures their characterization in that scene. How they’re sorta awkward and nervous, but weirdly comfortable and open. It just feels so much like exactly what would have happened had this scene continued without interruption. And it's just… so lovely how you were able to do that. Words fail me. I’ll get into some specifics before I feel like an idiot.
he was moving quickly, rushing like he did through everything. Well. Almost everything. -- Again, I love how the only reason he’s rushing is to get back to HER. I mean, how telling is that? Yet later she observes that he’s slowed down (when he's next to her with water). And I just love the way you show but don’t tell that. Meaning is packed into that subtle description.
a warm sleepy hum skipped along her nerve endings and spread out over her skin -- I WISH I WROTE THAT! I’m not sure how this is possible, but it’s almost like I can visualize it.
“(Out of breath yet laughing, thumbs on the curve of her ribs and his mouth against her neck, he’d said, You gotta stop making that noise. I can’t concentrate on anything else.)”—AHEM. Who can’t concentrate on anything else? THAT WOULD BE ME! JACK’S VOICE AND THAT DIALOGUE COMBINED. *drymouth*
(cutting through her insides, full force sucker-punch, because that first day, he hadn’t smiled once until he discovered he was dying) -- That is so JACK. And it’s so like her to remember it that way. And be that effected by his smile. Oh, god. This makes my stomach do happy dances of joy. The idea of them just smiling at each other. GAH!! *pictures it*
“You sure?”
“Really sure.” -- This dialogue is really really THEM. And I think it’s a perfect echo of the actual scene where she counters his concern by using even stronger language. (“You okay?” “Perfect”.) GAH!!! It’s so perfectly THEM.
AND BECAUSE I’M A TOOL I’M JUST GONNA GO AHEAD AND PASTE THIS: Her eyes mapped his scars, traveling from the ones he’d had so long they almost blended with his skin to the blotches of blood spreading into the bandages that covered the latest additions. Everything she needed to say (apologies, explanations, confessions) swirled and collided, fluttering moths in the back of her mind. She knew half an hour of happiness, giving because it felt good and taking because that felt good too, didn’t erase the last day, the last year, the last . . . whatever. The baggage (slice in her wrist, Vladimir, the cold fact that when she told him to pull the trigger, she’d meant it) would be waiting when she reluctantly climbed out of this bed, left the comforting shell of this warm sunlit room. -- BECAUSE IT IS HANDS-DOWN THE BEST PARAGRAPH YOU HAVE EVER WRITTEN. The description! “swirled and collided”! Moths in the back of her mind. Giving felt good and taking felt good too! Everything you say about baggage and meaning it when she said to pull the trigger. Ending it with “the comforting shell of this warm sunlit room”. Like… this whole paragraph manages to do fifty things at once. It’s worded so beautifully. You manage to capture the past, present and future all in a few sentences and combine Renee’s thoughts into them, without being too dark, without being too light, but striking an impossibly accurate balance for this specific scene and what she'd be feeling. It’s so fucking perfect. I just want to sit here and read this paragraph all fucking day.
GOD! Now she’s feeling for his fingertips under the covers and you’re melting my heart and writing things like “sunlight and color fading as the weight of everything dragged and pulled”. Honestly this whole fic makes me feels so soothed and comforted.
It was ludicrous, she thought, him saying that to her. Yeah. That might be my favorite line out of all of this. It’s so what she’d be thinking. All this time away from him, wondering. Gorgeous.
And the last bit of dialogue is INSANELY inspired. I love it to death. Him saying he doesn't need anything. Just! That is so HIM and so fitting
Thank you for writing this! I really needed to read this SO BADLY. You are my hero. &hearts
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2011-01-16 09:21 pm (UTC)he was moving quickly, rushing like he did through everything.
Well. Almost everything. -- Again, I love how the only reason he’s rushing is to get back to HER. I mean, how telling is that? Yet later she observes that he’s slowed down (when he's next to her with water). And I just love the way you show but don’t tell that. Meaning is packed into that subtle description.
a warm sleepy hum skipped along her nerve endings and spread out over her skin -- I WISH I WROTE THAT! I’m not sure how this is possible, but it’s almost like I can visualize it.
“(Out of breath yet laughing, thumbs on the curve of her ribs and his mouth against her neck, he’d said, You gotta stop making that noise. I can’t concentrate on anything else.)”—AHEM. Who can’t concentrate on anything else? THAT WOULD BE ME! JACK’S VOICE AND THAT DIALOGUE COMBINED. *drymouth*
(cutting through her insides, full force sucker-punch, because that first day, he hadn’t smiled once until he discovered he was dying) -- That is so JACK. And it’s so like her to remember it that way. And be that effected by his smile. Oh, god. This makes my stomach do happy dances of joy. The idea of them just smiling at each other. GAH!! *pictures it*
“You sure?”
“Really sure.” -- This dialogue is really really THEM. And I think it’s a perfect echo of the actual scene where she counters his concern by using even stronger language. (“You okay?” “Perfect”.) GAH!!! It’s so perfectly THEM.
AND BECAUSE I’M A TOOL I’M JUST GONNA GO AHEAD AND PASTE THIS: Her eyes mapped his scars, traveling from the ones he’d had so long they almost blended with his skin to the blotches of blood spreading into the bandages that covered the latest additions. Everything she needed to say (apologies, explanations, confessions) swirled and collided, fluttering moths in the back of her mind. She knew half an hour of happiness, giving because it felt good and taking because that felt good too, didn’t erase the last day, the last year, the last . . . whatever. The baggage (slice in her wrist, Vladimir, the cold fact that when she told him to pull the trigger, she’d meant it) would be waiting when she reluctantly climbed out of this bed, left the comforting shell of this warm sunlit room. -- BECAUSE IT IS HANDS-DOWN THE BEST PARAGRAPH YOU HAVE EVER WRITTEN. The description! “swirled and collided”! Moths in the back of her mind. Giving felt good and taking felt good too! Everything you say about baggage and meaning it when she said to pull the trigger. Ending it with “the comforting shell of this warm sunlit room”. Like… this whole paragraph manages to do fifty things at once. It’s worded so beautifully. You manage to capture the past, present and future all in a few sentences and combine Renee’s thoughts into them, without being too dark, without being too light, but striking an impossibly accurate balance for this specific scene and what she'd be feeling. It’s so fucking perfect. I just want to sit here and read this paragraph all fucking day.
GOD! Now she’s feeling for his fingertips under the covers and you’re melting my heart and writing things like “sunlight and color fading as the weight of everything dragged and pulled”. Honestly this whole fic makes me feels so soothed and comforted.
It was ludicrous, she thought, him saying that to her. Yeah. That might be my favorite line out of all of this. It’s so what she’d be thinking. All this time away from him, wondering. Gorgeous.
And the last bit of dialogue is INSANELY inspired. I love it to death. Him saying he doesn't need anything. Just! That is so HIM and so fitting
Thank you for writing this! I really needed to read this SO BADLY. You are my hero. &hearts