Again, my head is a crackden of fandom nonsense. I don't know where these thoughts come from; they just appear. LOL. But yeah, I think it's be hilarious if it were filmed. I'm also picturing quirky music to go along with it for some reason. Also him texting updates and answering questions of "Is it done?"/ "Is she dead yet?" with "Nope, they're still going at it like bunnies. That or sleeping longer than [insert Russian equivalent of Rip Van Winkle here]." Hehe.
Onto the actual feedback:
1) I love the flirting. It's so perfectly light and a nice counterpoint to the heavy undercurrent regarding the insanity of the day that is evident in the story. It's a wonderful way of showing rather than telling how good these two are at deflection.
2) I love the way you write Jack. The altruism, the way he thinks about her and treats her in a way that is caring without being patronizing. Instead it comes across as bashful and endearing.
3) As usual, you nail the physical details. I don't know what exactly it is about it, but when I read your scenes, it really feels like I am transported there and I can see it in my head. You do a wonderful job using the parentheses to give the sense of flashes of memories/intense emotion and it's funny how something as simple as that can be so effective.
Finally I have to give you snaps for a) writing again and b) continuing to explore AUs and exploring these characters. I know how much you struggle with it, and hey, if Katie's advice works, then stick to it. I look forward to your London AU. :)
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2011-01-19 10:32 am (UTC)Onto the actual feedback:
1) I love the flirting. It's so perfectly light and a nice counterpoint to the heavy undercurrent regarding the insanity of the day that is evident in the story. It's a wonderful way of showing rather than telling how good these two are at deflection.
2) I love the way you write Jack. The altruism, the way he thinks about her and treats her in a way that is caring without being patronizing. Instead it comes across as bashful and endearing.
3) As usual, you nail the physical details. I don't know what exactly it is about it, but when I read your scenes, it really feels like I am transported there and I can see it in my head. You do a wonderful job using the parentheses to give the sense of flashes of memories/intense emotion and it's funny how something as simple as that can be so effective.
Finally I have to give you snaps for a) writing again and b) continuing to explore AUs and exploring these characters. I know how much you struggle with it, and hey, if Katie's advice works, then stick to it. I look forward to your London AU. :)