Fic: play hearts, kid, they work well

[leigh57]

title: play hearts, kid, they work well
word count: 854
disclaimer: Do I have a disclaimer? Well, frequent brushing prevents cavities. So does not reading my Jack/Renee fic;)
warnings: show spoilers, language
a/n: This is a sequel to yes the heart should always go one step too far.

I'm technically not (quite) behind yet, but this was supposed to be posted on the 3rd. Attempting to write Jack/Renee liquifies my brain, I tell you. This is for elisa_trapt. I'm sorry if you wanted Beverly and Jean-Luc. This is what took over when I sat down to write. The complete list of prompts is here.

Title is from 'Go Places,' by The New Pornographers.

Rushed and fumble-fingered, he changes his shirt three times. The black thermal Henley wins, because his cab is waiting and he can’t undo the fucking button.

*******

On the plane, he lands a window seat, declines the peanuts and the drink.

Next to him, a rumpled forty-something guy plays chess with his preteen son, who slouches with practiced attitude inside a green Under Armour hoodie.

Jack smiles to himself, thinks of Kim.

*******

Even in the surging sea of people washing through Dulles on December 23rd, he can’t miss her -- deep red hair that reflects the light and a halo of sadness that threatens to escalate the tremor in his hand until he drops his duffel.

Determined, he grips the bag harder and walks in her direction.

She turns her head when he’s ten paces away. A nervous grin illuminates her face, but it’s her eyes that sock his gut (no warning to let him tighten the muscles, minimize the damage), make it hard for him to keep moving forward.

He remembers how they looked the day he met her, the light that flickered there.

Before they were haunted.

He’s seen more than enough to know this damage isn’t the reversible kind.

“Jack,” she breathes out like a sentence, that softened K that’s unique to her. “You look terrific.”

She’s standing, uncertain; he surprises the shit out of himself by being the one to drop his bag and wrap her in his arms. She smells like cinnamon, feels like gratitude he can touch. “So do you,” he manages, despite his protesting vocal cords. The hammer of her heart against his chest makes him smile.

As he holds her (she’s lost weight, air in his arms), he wishes a hundred things, not the least of which is that she won’t feel him shaking.

The last time he touched her (hand on the bone of her cheek, thumb wet with her tears), he’d given no thought to the risks.

Imminent death, a consequence-free environment.

Now, all he can think of are the risks.

One more person who stretches his heart.

One more person for him to destroy.

But she pulls back (eyes too shiny, voice too taut) and says, “Come on. Let’s get some coffee and a scone or something.”

And he knows he’s lost.

*******

The two hours of his layover roll by in what feels like ten minutes.

Stumbling at first, the conversation gathers momentum until she’s laughing sometimes, between sips of pumpkin-spice latte and bites of iced lemon pound cake. (When she offers him a corner, it’s all he can do to make himself take it; he wants her to eat the entire thing. He also drinks every last sip of the gingerbread latte she recommended, even though it’s too sweet for him and he would have pitched it if she weren’t sitting across the table, rubbing the edge of a Starbucks napkin between her fingers.)

The PA system blasts his flight number; he’s never been so ambivalent about a boarding announcement.

“That’s you!” The manufactured enthusiasm in her words echoes while she throws all the trash onto a tray, concentrating on each crumb.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” she exclaims, finally turning to face him. She rummages in her shoulder bag, hands him a small box wrapped in smiling snowmen who wear red and green scarves and ski over a snow-covered background.

“It’s for Teri,” she adds quickly, nervous eyes darting. He’s pretty sure the explosion he hears in his head is a land mine detonating under his last line of defense. “It’s probably all wrong,” she adds. “I have no idea how to shop for kids.”

“She’ll love it.” He tries to weight each word with conviction. “But you didn’t have to-”

“I wanted to,” she interrupts, looking straight at him. “It was the first Christmasy thing I did this season,” she admits, with a self-deprecating eyeroll for emphasis.

They call his flight number again.

“You’d better go.” She picks up her bag and stands very straight.

“Yeah.”

Before the better-judgment demons can grab him by the collar, he leans in to kiss her cheek, close as he dares to the edge of her mouth.

When he steps back, her face is hot pink.

He clears his throat. “Can I call you once I get settled at Kim's?”

She nods, hand tight on the strap of her bag, five white circles.

*******

Back on the plane, he muffles what has to be a ridiculous smile and wedges his duffel under the seat, declines the peanuts and the drink (again).

For probably the three hundredth time since he bought his plane ticket (click of his shaky finger on the ‘purchase’ button almost unreal), he imagines Teri's face when she wakes up wide-eyed on Christmas morning, pictures her in her Rudolph pajamas, stuffing her face with cinnamon rolls.

He thinks of Renee, laughing with lemon icing on her lip.

No better gift she could locate in this universe than those two hours and the knowledge that tonight, he’ll call her.

And she'll pick up.

*******

I've been under a rock between extra work, kid sports, and holiday (tree procurement, blah blah blah) craziness. What's going on with you guys? I am making the most epic Pandora Christmas station, but every now and then they freakin' sneak in Mariah Carey or Hillary Duff. Wtf, Pandora?

Comments

[marinw.livejournal.com]

Imminent death, a consequence-free environment.

Great line!

Some lovely bedroom reading. Thank you.

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

I have this weird fascination with how Jack was so entirely resigned to dying. Wow, it must have been weird for him to wake up. Of course, at this point, I'm assuming he probably wishes he hadn't bothered;)

Thanks for the awesome comments:)

[century-fox.livejournal.com]

I haven't read this or the last one yet *fail* but I'm just stopping in to say that it makes me smile so much that you're using lyrics from Go Places as your fic titles! :)

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

It's such a fantastic song! I listen to it constantly especially when I'm running.

There's so much fic going up that there's only time for everybody to hit the highlights. I love this Christmas fic thing like a crazy person. Presents every day of Advent (and I guess a week after that!). It's AMAZING:)

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

The way you set this up is so perfect. He's all nervous and rejecting peanuts and he's changed his shirt so many times and it came down to the button. I can't say enough how all of your details make it just come alive.

Other things I ADORE. "Practiced attitude", the way he takes one look at her and knows the "haunted" in her eyes "isn't the reversible kind", the way she's "air in his arms" (AND HE WANTS HER TO EAT THE WHOLE POUND PIECE OF POUND CAKE), the way he notices amazing little details about her, the way you describe the conversation flow "laughing sometimes"---AUGH the simplicity of that,

Now, all he can think of are the risks.

One more person who stretches his heart.

One more person for him to destroy.

But she pulls back (eyes too shiny, voice too taut) and says, “Come on. Let’s get some coffee and a scone or something.”

And he knows he’s lost. -- I couldn't NOT quote that whole thing. It is amazingly JACK and it breaks my heart and gives it happies at the very same time. He doesn't bother trying to make it not happen. He's like..in a place where there's just enough hope to consider he can have this, too. GAH.

MORE THINGS I LOVE: manufactured enthusiasm, the way she can't really look at him and she is "concentrating on each crumb." HE LEANS IN TO KISS HER CHEEK, "close as he dares to the edge of her mouth." -- Yer killin' me, smalls.

When he steps back, her face is hot pink.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I can SO picture all of this.

"five white circles"-- You ADDED that and it's BRILLIANT. I. Cannot. Stop. Reading. This. Whole. Thing. My. God.

Teri's face when she wakes up wide-eyed on Christmas morning, pictures her in her Rudolph pajamas, stuffing her face with cinnamon rolls. --- S, my heart is over there with you in H-town. Could you pat it once or twice and ship it back to me? It just left my body and went over there without my permission because it wanted to thank you for THIS.

He thinks of Renee, laughing with lemon icing on her lip. I just love the contrast of those thoughts together. And how it just...makes him smile just a much as the thought of Teri in Rudolph PJs.

AND THEN HE THINKS ABOUT HOW SHE WILL PICK UP NOW.

My heart. Send it back.

*******

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

First, ♥♥♥, because it gives me such a huge freakin' smile when my silly little wtfevers make you so happy. Pillowforts rock, don't they? Pillowforts forever, yep.

And ahem. I wanna watch Jack change that shirt. Or just help him change out of it. Or . . . something;)

One insanely wonderful/awful thing (oh cognitive dissonance) I notice on the rare occasions when I have the courage to dip back into early S8 is how much Jack watches her. Just . . . watches. Augh. Adrienne, they will never not break my heart. Just!

Don't you love how when you say something should probably leave I add something? I FAIL. Idk. I just pictured it in my head and she had to hold the bag, so paper!

I amuse me in that in addition to the AU where she doesn't get shot and the AU where she does get shot but lives, I also have something like five alternative post S7 AUs, all of which involve them working together and whispering hotly and accidentally making a baby, wait whut?.

tl;dr, thank you. One of the reasons I managed to get inspired enough to write is that it makes you so grinny:)

eta: Added .gif to show how your comments make me feel:)

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

You want to cutely shrug like N's crush and hug my arm?

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

OMG, she does shrug like that, doesn't she?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yes, that is exactly what I want to do. Only I am not 11, so less cute:P

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

Hahaha. I'll take a cute face and an arm snug.

I'm just so smiley that you WROTE this.

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

WHEN AM I GOING TO WRITE YOUR ELLIOT AND NANCY? WHY DOESN'T THE FUCKING HOUSE CLEAN ITSELF?

#importantquestions

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

Write right NOW. Right? Writing is right.

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

That icon only works when I'm supposed to be writing Jack and Renee! I need an Elliot and Nancy icon. I would love that actually. Why don't they have stills from the "I Still Miss Someone" dance?

God, I have so many first world problems. How do I survive?

I'll think about this icon while I CLEAN ALL THE THINGS.

eta: Okay that backfired.

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

LOLOL

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/Digital-Short-Seducing-Women-Through-Chess/1369505

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

"I'M DYING, AND I NEVER MADE SEX TO A GIRL."

Oh, I'm crying. I needed that. So did my contacts:)

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

RIGHT?

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

I just turned on the TV because I can't seem to write and I just want to...lay on the couch. ANYWAY.

There was The Y&R was on and there was this line. "Another night. Another storm. I can't help but think of our last storm together. That night we kissed and I felt that you wanted it as much as I did. I held you in my arms and... I. Want to have that feeling again."

Not only the bad but... OMG it's a dude who says it! But then he kisses her and then SHE kisses back for a second and then pushes him off dramatically and screams

DON'T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN.

And then she goes outside and it's raining all over her and she's making this constipated face.

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

Okay. I am in full out hysterics.

Btw, that was one of their epic SONGZ.

Now I need a Cruz and Eden icon.

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

OMGOMGOMGOMG Merry Christmas to ME.

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

Olivier!

I. Am. Dying.

"You talk funny."

"You talk funny!"

"Vodka?"

"After Laurence, of course."

Oh, cue cheesy music!

COMMERCIAL. Then shot of how people never stand. Ever. Except on soap operas. FLASHBACK.

Oh noez, it's the glittery eyes that are a job requirement for every soap opera actress.

AND the knock on the door that naturally interrupts the intended kiss. THERE IS NOTHING THIS CLIP DOES NOT DO.

Also, I have no idea what they're talking about with the basketball. It is basketball, right?

OMG, HE BOUGHT A BOMBER JACKET. Or decided to wear it. Or something. I'm gonna get a stomachache from laughing. This is amazing!

Is she packing slutty lingerie? SHE IS.

There is too much win here for my fragile little mind.

[adrenalin211.livejournal.com]

THAT IS WHY I PICKED THIS ONE.

There is no soap cliche it doesn't walk all over.

Not like I've been watching them all afternoon or anything.

THIS IS THE STUFF OF MY AWKWARD ADOLESCENCE.

[sardonicynic]

You know I'm a sucker for the little moments. You know this, and then you do this, and I am all fish-mouthed and inarticulate.

As much as I love every detail you've woven in, it's this:

... it’s her eyes that sock his gut (no warning to let him tighten the muscles, minimize the damage), make it hard for him to keep moving forward.

Something that could be a throwaway line, but it's not, because it's you, and that's Jack, ever the dutiful soldier-agent-prisoner, forever scanning the foreground, looking for threats, internalizing the ways he can minimize their impact.

So, I love you.

Yep.

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

I'm a sucker for small moments, too (one of the many reasons I adore your stuff so much). Regardless of my wildly ambivalent feelings about 24 taken as a whole, I'd be a giant Grinch if I weren't grateful for the huge number of scenes in canon where Jack and Renee are just talking. Naturally, I have to make 3478652789653298 more of my own;)

God, Jack. Why does his life always manage to suck more than anything, no matter what he does? He slices my heart like no other TV character ever has. I strongly feel that any real person would have been all, "OH FUCK THIS NOISE."

Anyway, your comment has me all grinny. Thank you!

p.s. I was listening to "Hot Buttered Rum" on the way home from my drop-off loop. That song.

[ravenread.livejournal.com]

Oh how I miss them. The details are just so right. Thanks for this.

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

Augh, I miss them, too. Like woah.

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed reading.

[mulefa.livejournal.com]

So lovely

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[elisa-trapt.livejournal.com]

You probably think I'm a complete schmuck for not responding to this AGES ago! Please know I read it greedily the day you posted, and this is quite literally the first time since then I've had time to properly respond. My life has been a teeny bit nuts!!

But I wanted to let you know I LOVED it, and I don't mind at all that it wasn't Picard and Crusher, truly. :) You know by now your Renee rewires my brain. And I love it better still when they catch little moments of happiness - all the better b/c it's something neither of them thinks they deserve. So there's something lovely about them getting a couple hours where they just get to enjoy each other, however fleeting.

Thanks so much for a little Jack/Renee Christmas time!

[leigh57.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're a schmuck at all! Stop. Everybody has been crazy busy, me included (see the part where I didn't get all the Christmas fics done by a long shot!).

Wow, I just got back from a crazy day myself and pulling this up made me realize that in this style, putting things in the quotebox makes everything italicized! I had forgotten. I should either change it or make comment pages revert to plain style. Good to know!

AHEM, ANYWAY.

I'm not gonna lie -- I got going on this with the prequel to this one, and I halfway want to finish the rest of the Christmas fics in this universe, just because I've spent so much time in a post S8 AU. Anyway, thank you as always for popping in to say that you enjoyed it. I am quite sure I will never ever not want to write them!